Saturday, December 11, 2010

An open letter to Mother Nature and Old Man Winter

Hi guys.  It's me, Eric.  You remember me, up here in Minnesota.  I'm the one that used to beg for snow back in high school so that the cross country skiers could wax up and hit the trails. 

Now, you guys know that when it comes to winter weather, Minnesotan's are a hearty folk.  We understand that, while the calendar tells us winter starts on December 21, you guys could start sending the white stuff our way as early as October.  

I don't want you to think I'm not grateful.  You gave us some pretty sweet weather last summer, and I know that there's a bit of a penance that needs to be paid for all those beautiful training days.  But, c'mon guys, this is getting silly.   I woke up this morning, looked out my window and saw this:

Half-way up the window?  Really?!?
I though, 'Okay.  Whatever.  I'll dig out the driveway and be done with it'.  So, I did.  It was a good job, if you don't mind me saying.  The Wife was able to drive to work for a half-shift.   I patted myself on the back, snuggled up on the sofa, and all was right with the world.

A few hours later, I got a call from The Wife.  "I'm stuck," she said.

"Oh, that sucks," I said, "Let me hop in the other car.  Where are you stuck?"

"I'm in the driveway."

I thought, "Hmmm...that can't be right.  I just cleared that thing down to the concrete a couple hours ago."

But there she was, half-way up the driveway, spinning her wheels in 6 inches of fresh snow.  So, I cleared the snow.  Again.  She made it into the garage.  I patted myself on the back and hopped onto the trainer for a nice, long spin (to cool my percolating temper) and all was right with the world. 

After the spin, I got cleaned up and asked The Wife what she wanted for dinner. We decided on Chinese food, so I got ready to head out and pick up some Lo Mein and Fried Rice.  I love me some Lo Mein and Fried Rice.

Do you know what I found when I lifted the garage door?  DO YOU KNOW WHAT I FOUND?  I found another 6 inches of snow.  Now, this may have been 6 inches of NEW snow, or maybe you just decided to blow all that shoveled snow back onto the driveway.  I don't know, and frankly, I don't care.  What I DO know is that this has got to stop. 

Sure, the two of you like to beat the crap out of us up here in the hinterland.  But c'mon guys, this is just showing off - and nobody likes a showoff. What good is snow for cross country skiers if they can't even open their front door, let alone drive to the trails?

You two had better get your act together, or I'm moving this show to Arizona.

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